SEX: S(omething about Your)Ex

 “Never cry for the ‘ex’ who hurts u. Just smile & say thanks for giving me a chance to find someone who’s better than u. *grin*”
That was the status of a friend on Facebook.  I also remember a friend who wouldn’t go hang out with me…why? Because her ‘‘ex’’ was there, and not so long ago I read a post somewhere which generated a long and heated debate between the genders.  The post was seeking to know if guys and girls in a relationship should have mutual friends and if they do, what happens after a break up? majority of the comments were of the opinion that couple should keep different friend-leagues and after break up, friends should be equally split if there happen to be any mutual friends!  I remember one lady who said if she breaks up with her boyfriend, it’s simple; she gives her friends the option to choose, “either stay with me or go to him…” no place for mutual friendship with an ‘ex’…
 Now this is not a relationship write up.  I am no expert in that and honestly, I am still learning myself to be a better man to my girl while trying desperately to understand her – that has kept my plate full for now, lol.  What I want to write now is just the question that my friend’s facebook status evoked in my crazy mind (I think I need to tell you about me and my crazy mind soon…believe me my mind is crazy…I mean crazy with a capital ‘C’).
My Question: must a relationship either end in marriage or else hurt and pain? Is there no place for ‘friends forever’ in our world again? I don’t think any two adults will start a loving relationship only to down tools mid-way and part ways as enemies….so why this bitterness?
Let me take you back memory lane…
Many years ago as a youngster I remember Uncle E who usually comes around to visit once in a while…uncle E was a giant…or maybe because I was so tiny he looked so huge…my memories of him are all sweet…he loved and doted us all when he was around and seemed to really get along so well with my parents.  Years later, driving through the typical Jos terminus traffic jam with my dad and brother, we saw this lady who my dad introduced as his former girl-friend…they were still friends and good ones at that. Uncle E was also my mother’s former boyfriend…Uncle E loved us just like his kids.
Now that might have sounded to many as a script out of some Hollywood, Nollywood or Bollywood movie…but it is not…Uncle E is late now and the other woman (I honestly don’t even remember her name) I don’t know about her whereabouts…but the point here is these were two set of ‘exs’ who years after marriage and kids are still in touch and very much friends…
I love my parents for this (and many more reasons 🙂 )…and I will want to be like them…I have been in a few relationships which did not quite work out as I (we) hoped…this means I also have ‘Ex’-girlfriend(s). I am not a bad boy…it just did not work out…I will give you one example…she was my girlfriend and I was all hooked and serious…I thought she was my ‘Mrs’ and the mother of my kids and….” you know how the romantic scripts go…:) one thing led to the other and we drifted and ended the relationship…the first few months were hell for me (don’t ask me how)…when I hear her voice my heartbeat skips a few beats, if I meet her at a mutual friend’s place my temperature shoots up and I start sweating…I tried all I could to avoid her.  A few months down the line, I sat myself and gave me a good ‘Madea-style-me-talk’…I was honest and I saw my flaws in the relationship some of which I was just blind to.  I decided to do the right thing…I dropped ‘me’ to the back seat and took to the path of reconciliation (it was not easy, but I was determined).
Fast forward 2 years down the line, I am still single (no regrets) while she is married and pregnant with the first child, but what has changed? She is my friend, we keep in touch every now and then, the tension is gone and I must confess, I am excited about the baby who I look forward to one day seeing! We had a great relationship (a clean one too I am not ashamed to say) and I am a better man today from the experience of that relationship, I am in a happier relationship now because of all the lessons I learnt from the last.
So why can’t we all do some ‘Madea-style-me-talk’ and see things this way. Like it or not, not all relationships will end in marriage, some are bound to fail, it does not mean it’s the end of the world for you, give yourself some grieving time (it is important…don’t live in denial…if you truly loved, it will hurt to let go), pick up the positives, hold your head high and move on, you will only be a better person if you take the positives into your next relationship (going with the negatives will result in the break up cycle repeating itself…so be warned). Wish your ‘ex’ well and remember you may not be lovers anymore, but you can still be friends…
There definitely should be something positive about your ‘ex’…everyone who comes into your life should either remain to build you up or leave and make you a stronger person. Now, that is something about your ‘ex’
                            Zingfa
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2 thoughts on “SEX: S(omething about Your)Ex

  1. This is a ‘must-read’ for every guy! I’m so impressed I’m intimidated (lol). Thanks to the writer for sharing. I have finally found a way to make sense of my ’emotional history’ and next to coming to terms with the fact that not all ladies have to be toasted (and slept with), this remains my most valuable lesson on the sexes. My mind is growing, thank you again.

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    1. You’re welcome – on Z’s behalf, that is! 😀
      Certainly we always have something to learn from past relationships. When we come to the terms with the fact that relationships are meant to make us evolve into better beings, that is when we can part with no hard feelings… that is if the ex didn’t take all your hard savings or car or something more valuable in the process!

      Like

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