I’m a real talented guy who can be good at anything he tries. However, I’m helpless in the kitchen…worse than the average guy actually! I asked my girlfriend of six months to teach me how to cook and with a straight face she said I should write an application letter and email it to her. I know her better than to try to dissuade her and missing the good old days of letter writing; I decided to give it a shot. This is my first and only attempt, also written with a straight face!
To my girl
Application to Learn How to Cook
My dearest, It is often said that the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach. There’s only one street to my heart and it’s already been taken by you. Still, cooking is an art as old as love, if not older. I would love to learn from you how to mix ingredients & spices with perfection, just as you’re a mixture of wonder and heart, love and care, tenderness and kindness. As you have found your way to my heart, may I find my way thru your tutorage. I look forward to days we can spend together, watching you move gracefully with ease and skill in our little kitchen, with the gas burner sizzling as it always does when you’re at your best … Indeed it’s this thought that always fills me with fondness and warmth, leaves me with nothing but longing for the days to come.
I hope I do learn, because there’s so much to distract me when it comes to you. It’s easy to get lost in the moment with you… your composition, simplicity, gentleness… your considerate nature, the way you look, your smile, I love the way you make me let it all go…living for the moment. I love that I can do it with you. I shall humble myself and learn from you, for you have so much to teach me. I hope my application meets your favourable response.