To err is human. To forgive is… difficult.

I have a problem with my memory.

I tell my friends that I have a “selective memory“.  It may be a medical condition, but who knows?  I can’t remember many of the normal stuff that happened while we were growing up (including things I said or did) – my siblings remember that – but I do remember the weirdest of them.  Those are the ones that stuck and I have vivid recollections of.  Same thing with peoples names and faces.  I can’t determine what my memory decides to store, I can only make the effort to so.  And that is how sometimes I can’t really make a good argument cause I don’t remember all the facts.  I dread the day I’ll be called to a court room! 😦

That is also a reason for this blog: to keep a record of my experiences as they occur, as well as a memoir of the past as the images resurface.  I write only what I can clearly remember, so that my memoir is as genuine it comes.

This post is not to convince you that I’m a dumb selective amnesiac, silly!  It’s actually to highlight one of the advantages of having such a memory… You forget your fights easily.

I had fights with my mom and promised myself that I’d never forgive her.  An hour later she would come up with a topic for discussion and I’d be replying cheerfully, only to remember later that I wasn’t supposed to be speaking with her!

Forgiving someone who hurt you can be such a difficult thing.  Especially when you’ve had emotions or respect for that person.  You wonder why (s)he would be so inconsiderate and mean, but its hurts only because we expect them not to hurt us.  How can’t they?  They are human too. No one’s perfect!  But just because we have put them on a pedestal, we expect them to make us happy always. No my friend, No. You will get hurt, and oftentimes by the person you love and care for, and people who you call your friends.

When it happens, bleed it out.  Express your pain, anger or hurt (within safe limits please! :D) and then forget. Just forgetForgiveness-Quote-Graphics-701 it.  Chose to remember the drama, but not the pain.  Learn from the experience, exhale. Talk to God – pray.

I’m not a therapist.  This is a process I am currently undergoing.  I forget because I can’t help it… it’s easy for me to.  Well not that easy – since my brain also likes to save the traumatic stuff for my mental punishment – but somehow I have been able to find a way to forgive the hurt that I feel when I go through a rough patch with someone. That way it’s easier to move towards reconciliation.  Afterall, not all fights are meant to end in separation. A good number of them are meant to make us grow and more aware of each other so that our relationships can be more stable.

That is all I know, which isn’t much, but I find out works for me.  It doesn’t make the pain any lesser than it should be and like I said, my mind may be playing tricks on me – repressing stuff and all, but it’s also helping me move on towards better relations ships!

4 thoughts on “To err is human. To forgive is… difficult.

  1. Forgiving doesn’t mean the pain or hurt will vanish, neither does it make you weak or justified the people that hurt you. It only give you peace of mind and make your heart lighter. Its only those you love and care for that can hurt you and forgiving them doesn’t make you happier either. I have that memory malfunction too which never allow ♏ε̲̣̣̣̥ to argue, fight or have grudges with people cos would have forgotten what caused it.
    Let it go


    1. I couldn’t agree more, Jide! However I do believe that the only way you know that you have forgiven is if you don’t hurt when you recall the event. I think it would be a good idea to remember when we hurt someone too, so we don’t make them hold grudges against us either! 🙂


  2. ok i really love this article maybe its because i can completely relate to the selective memory thing, yeah yeah before y’all eat me raw i understand this article is about forgiving but i cant relate to that cause i cant categorically pick anyone that’s ever hurt me and i think thats mega healthy cause for starters i cant even remember the hurt talk less of even holding a grudge and i think i really get it now why my friends and family just love me like that and sincerely it makes me kinda really really love my life cause i dont see anything that could alter the amazing aura i’ve got.


    1. Thank you Kenny! It’s good to know that your personality doesn’t allow you to hold anything to heart – I guess that’s were we differ! 😀 Its just that sometimes people step on toes, cross boundaries or take affection for granted… which oftentimes occurs when one expects far too much from them (or doesn’t expect that at all)…You’d be surprised at how much people are unforgiving and I hope this post can help them in any little way.
      I must admit that life is much, much easier when you don’t keep grudges or hold anything to heart! Keep up with the loving! ❤


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