I have a problem with my memory.
I tell my friends that I have a “selective memory“. It may be a medical condition, but who knows? I can’t remember many of the normal stuff that happened while we were growing up (including things I said or did) – my siblings remember that – but I do remember the weirdest of them. Those are the ones that stuck and I have vivid recollections of. Same thing with peoples names and faces. I can’t determine what my memory decides to store, I can only make the effort to do so. And that is how sometimes I can’t really make a good argument cause I don’t remember all the facts. I dread the day I’ll be called to a court room! 😦
That is also a reason for this blog: to keep a record of my experiences as they occur, as well as a memoir of the past as the images resurface. I write only what I can clearly remember, so that my memoir is as genuine it comes.
This post is not to convince you that I’m a dumb selective amnesiac, silly! It’s actually to highlight one of the advantages of having such a memory… You forget your fights easily.
I had fights with my mom and promised myself that I’d never forgive her. An hour later she would come up with a topic for discussion and I’d be replying cheerfully, only to remember later that I wasn’t supposed to be speaking with her!
Forgiving someone who hurt you can be such a difficult thing. Especially when you’ve had emotions or respect for that person. You wonder why (s)he would be so inconsiderate and mean, but its hurts only because we expect them not to hurt us. How can’t they? They are human too. No one’s perfect! But just because we have put them on a pedestal, we expect them to make us happy always. No my friend, No. You will get hurt, and oftentimes by the person you love and care for, and people who you call your friends.
When it happens, bleed it out. Express your pain, anger or hurt (within safe limits please! :D) and then forget. Just forget it. Chose to remember the drama, but not the pain. Learn from the experience, exhale. Talk to God – pray.
I’m not a therapist. This is a process I am currently undergoing. I forget because I can’t help it… it’s easy for me to. Well not that easy – since my brain also likes to save the traumatic stuff for my mental punishment – but somehow I have been able to find a way to forgive the hurt that I feel when I go through a rough patch with someone. That way it’s easier to move towards reconciliation. Afterall, not all fights are meant to end in separation. A good number of them are meant to make us grow and more aware of each other so that our relationships can be more stable.
That is all I know, which isn’t much, but I find out works for me. It doesn’t make the pain any lesser than it should be and like I said, my mind may be playing tricks on me – repressing stuff and all, but it’s also helping me move on towards better relations ships!